k.

My Old Dutch.

Me and Alex took a trip to My Old Dutch Pancake House in Holborn for brunch today. A friend at my work had told me about it and Alex and I are always on the look out for new places to go and treats to try, we're proper foodies. Junk foodies haha. Its a small chain of Dutch pancake houses dotted around London. We were lucky to beat the rush as when we left there was a queue so you definitely know the food is good. They are known for their massive, and by that i mean head size pancakes but they also do full English breakfasts, fries and other dutch specialties like Kaasballen which is deep fried cheese or Bitterballen: dutch meatballs, but what i also admire is they offer gluten free menu items so everyone can enjoy.

I loved the decor, the walls were covered in large tulips, there were transfers of windmills and pancakes, lots of grass and two old style fireplaces with, what looked like, old hand painted tiles. Even the lighting was something i would expect of a small dutch village, its was done very tastefully to get a sense of 'Dutch in London'.

I went for a classic bacon and maple syrup pancake, you can make any pancake you like- oh, i should say these aren't crepes. Crepes aren't as big as traditional dutch pancakes or 'Pannekoek' and some argue that crepes are filled, whereas pancakes aren't. They're all similar as they culturally flow through Belgium to France but since we're Dutch here: its a pancake. Alex went for a menu favourite: 'Hot Dutch' which has chorizo, pepperoni, cheese chillies and tomato sauce.  I loved mine, naturally, but Alex said he wished he went for something sweet, there was so much to choose from. It hasn't put him off in fact its what is drawing us both back (yes). I will certainly go again, maybe with a party of friends and try all sorts of different pancakes, hopefully i'll be a pro at making (and eating) the stuff by next Pancake day.

Hope you enjoyed my post x

g.

Self acceptance is full acceptance.

A good month ago now i decided to cut my hair off, down to about 4 inches of hair. Although this happens all over the world all the time for many women ever since miss farrow way back when, i was returning to a state of hair i hadn't seen in over a decade. To some reading this it holds no significance what-soever but as a woman of colour it holds alot. On a regular basis i would use a sodium hydroxide based formula which strips my afro hair of protein to get it to fall 'straight'. This chemical is referred to as a 'relaxer' or 'perm'. The relaxer is alkaline and can seriously burn the scalp- i know because i've suffered many a burn to the point that i was going bald. I then decided- but what am i doing this for? WHO am i doing this for?

Much like we try to combat the stigma of certain body types in the media i have come to realise i thought straighter hair was 'prettier' for a similar reason. Take a certain frizz serum advert: it has a lovely model with soft loose curls talking about 'taming her unruly hair' using said serum and battling frizz. The beginning shot is often of a comb struggling its way through her hair or her hair in a big state. So what was i to do with my hair that for the most part grows only skyward? and is so tightly coiled it always looks frizzy? i don't think ive ever seen a woman with an afro in a hair care commercial talking about products that helps define her curls, soften and aid in retaining length; and they do exist.

I'm not protesting as i'm aware the world i live in has an unattainable standard for even the woman modelling said standard, i don't need to. I am simply accepting myself now. A true self. There is a power in acceptance that leads to confidence, happiness and the dove commercials i've come to enjoy. When one can find it in themselves to say "roll your eyes at my stupid laugh" or "you can think i'm awkward all you want" and "tell me to diet but i'm just not going to" you gain a power. We are different, and thank God we are. Yes the hippy is back again but its true. I think your blue eyes are gorgeous, i think your short stature is adorable i think your big boobs are amazing and i think your religion is fascinating, how wonderful is your laugh and peculiar your outlook on life. You want to be a doctor? thank you. You want to be a painter? Thank you too. Relax or weave, whatever your want, so long as you're healthy and happy.

I am truly learning to accept all of myself and now i have this power to really attack anything i want. I had an audition and had to send a new picture to the director as they had only seen one with straight hair i said i should let you know in case this isn't what you're looking for. She said my hair was fantastic and i had a really good audition. Funny how we always think we're changing ourselves to seem better to others.

Thankfully im learning this young. I am fantastically made, not conceited, everything from my outside to my inside has something special and something i can bring to the world. The commercials will still be there but we dont live in a TV set so lets accept that. I have accepted i am 5'5, black, afro haired and english and that i am beautiful. There are 7 billion people and counting why shouldn't you, as you are, fully accepted, not be beautiful too?

a.

sometimes you have to stay unhappy.

I don't mean forever of course, what i do mean is in the moment of unhappiness and stress we should acknowledge and accept that fact.

your unhappiness doesn't need fixing. Instead of saying 'I'm mad' or 'I'm disappointed that xyz hasn't happened' and accepting that and being that for a moment we tend to dissolve into this pit of despair and drag up allllllllllllll the things that have made us unhappy in our lives and allllllllllll the reasons we could be and will be happy when we fix ourselves like a certain image, outlook, clothes and style, blah blah but what if you just say 'I'm ..... right now. And that's okay.'

Because it is OK. For example 'I am pissed I haven't got this' and 'I'm stressed I haven't got that' doesn't turn into "....because so and so didn't give me this opportunity and if I had of done this, that and the rest of it I would be driving a Mercedes right now and so tomorrow i'm going on that diet that will make my boss promote me." That isn't happiness. I'm coming to learn its an internal thing,  not a possession to be lost and found. It's a mood you feel alongside any other but often we stress ourselves trying to get into it. You'll find yourself a lot 'happier' when you say i'm sad, i might cry for a bit or yell or whatever it is i do and then go to sleep and let go of the restraints i put on myself and let tomorrow come to me. A new day.

the thing you are feeling stressed/anxious/mad about is NOT the first thing you think of when you wake up. When you fully wake up and open you eyes subconsciously your body and mind says 'i'm alive' then it says 'where am i?' then your mind tells you what it is you need to do right now (go to work, or back to sleep, HA!) but it doesn't care about your emotions which i suppose shows you the stress isn't that important.

whatever it is, it isn't that important.

So when you're mad. Be MAD. and when you want to cry, CRY. be in that feeling for a moment. Just be, acknowledge and accept. And i assure you, the bad feeling won't be there for long.